Not Three's Company XXXFavorites [+]
Those who remember watching Jack Tripper, Janet Wood, and Chrissy Snow (in later seasons, Chrissy’s cousin Cindy Snow and Terri Alden in place of Chrissy) on Three’s Company must have wondered what was going on behind closed doors. Jack might have pretended to be gay so his nosy landlord would allow him to live with two girls, but it was a threeway waiting to happen and we all knew it. Naturally, when X Play decided to get into the adult sitcom spoof business, Three’s Company was an ideal choice, and Not Three’s Company XXX is sure to be another runaway hit for the wildly popular Not…XXX series. Director Will Ryder is back and again proves himself to be an adult humor savant.
Brynn Tyler makes a good Chrissy, with a passing resemblance to Suzanne Somers and the ability to play the ditzy blonde to comic effect. Van Damage pretty much steals the show. He resembles the late, great John Ritter (who played Jack in the series) enough to get by and has a similar talent for farce and physical comedy. The most striking resemblance is Penny Flame as Janet. The wig helps, but she could pass for a close relative of Joyce DeWitt, particularly around the eyes. Rounding out the cast are some X Play regulars: Dino Bravo as Mr. Roper, and Nina Hartley as Mrs. Roper.
After Jack loses his job, Mr. Roper gives the roommates five days to come up with the rent or get evicted. While Janet’s at work and Jack’s out job-hunting, Chrissy relieves stress by reaching for her pink vibrator. The Ropers can hear her in their apartment below, and Mr. Roper is clueless as to what’s going on but you can see by the look on Mrs. Roper’s face that she knows what’s up. She tries to put the moves on her husband but he fails to comprehend her double entendre. Meanwhile, Chrissy is oblivious to her volume as she fucks herself to a screaming orgasm.
Chrissy falls asleep after cumming and wakes up to the ringing phone. It’s Leroy, who has hired her to hand out flyers for a gym. Just then, Jack and Janet come home and what they overhear makes it sound like she’s turned to prostitution. The misunderstanding continues later, as Jack’s friend Larry (Tommy Gunn) tells Jack and busty neighbor Lana (Sienna West) that he saw Chrissy out on 3rd Street and she was such a natural he almost forked over some cash. When Mr. Roper comes in and seemingly confirms this story, Jack rushes out to confer with Janet about the Chrissy situation, leaving Lana alone with Larry. Lana is willing to wait for Jack so they can go out to the Regal Beagle later. Horny Larry gets her into Chrissy and Janet’s bedroom and smarms his way into her pants. Larry plays with Lana’s enormous tits, then Lana goes down on his large hard-on until Larry decides he wants a taste of her pussy. They fuck in various positions until Lana drinks Larry’s cum and calls him Jack by accident, but it doesn’t put a damper on their relationship, as you’ll see.
Later, Chrissy wants to meet Jack and Janet at the Regal Beagle because she has big news. J&J think that she’s going to confess to her new profession. Instead, Chrissy shows up to introduce her little sister Madison (Madison Scott) and ask if she can stay with them for a month. They’re stunned when Chrissy explains that Madison’s going to work with her so she can pay her share of the rent, but they agree to let Madison stay. Jack especially likes the petite blonde, who looks like a miniature Chrissy. Janet and Chrissy have to get back to work, so Jack agrees to “keep an eye on” little sis. Back home, Madison wastes little time putting the moves on Jack. She seems to have an oral fixation, based on her love of licking her own juices off his fingers and her affinity for deep throating. They’re going at it like crazy when the doorbell interrupts them. Madison explains that she made a friend at the bus station and invited her over. Jack’s understandable consternation is soothed when he sees that it’s another gorgeous teen (Allyssa Hall). The sitcom Jack would never be so lucky as to have a threesome with two young babes like this; some things really are better in the remake.
Something else that’s better? Janet finally gets some too, with the gorgeous Roxy Jezel. Roxy gets one of the best lines of the movie: “You don’t have to become a lesbian, you can just have sex without penis!” The moment the Asian babe kisses Janet, the “audience” cheers. They too must have been waiting years to see the cute brunette get some action. Janet’s the only girl in the movie anywhere close to sporting a full 1970s style bush. Her enthusiasm about being “naughty” with another girl and a strap-on is infectious and befitting a character that’s supposed to be from the Midwest. Hearing yet more sex from their apartment below, the Ropers finally succumb to arousal. In a scene that’s actually quite tender (especially for porn), Helen gives Stanley a blowjob for the first time ever, after showing him she’s found his dirty magazine stash and revealing that she’d like to do the things that are in the pictures.
Porn legend Ron Jeremy is another x Play regular. He adds verve and charm to any adult comedy, and here he’s great as Jim the Bartender, complete with a huge Afro. It’s a non-sex role, but it’s Ron freakin’ Jeremy so he’s still a scene-stealer. He gets some of the best lines. After consoling Chrissy over her infection, he gets her an emergency appointment with his doctor uncle. Chrissy goes and gets a “pelvic exam” from a guy she thinks is a young doctor in training (Eric Swiss). Meanwhile, back at the Regal Beagle, Jack and Janet are fretting over hearing this news about Chrissy from Jim. Back at the apartment, new maintenance man Mr. Furley (Scott Lyons) is about to fix the toilet when a hooker (Jenny Hendrix) that Larry ordered for Jack as a joke shows up to do her job. Hilarity ensues, but in sitcom fashion, everything is wrapped up and resolved by the end.
From the cheeky theme song (sung by Serge Mancandy and Lotta Zeros) to the farcical situations and dialogue, laugh track, and period-appropriate details like a Dynamite 8-track player, Not Three’s Company XXX is a fitting tribute. It manages to be both funny and erotic, with three sexy leads, and it’s that rare adult film with a plot that could stand on its own. The filmmakers have truly paid homage to the original sitcom. Features in the adult industry are not dead even in the gonzo age, as long as there are companies willing to make tongue-in-cheek, highly entertaining movies like this. The only problem is that we’re still waiting for the three roommates to get it on with each other… does anyone else smell a sequel?